Saying Goodbye

Alrighty, the time has come for a new beginning.  <3

When I started this blog (& the prior blog) I needed a place to share my thoughts and fears and frustrations and hopes.  Little did I know how much I would end up needing all of you.  Although I’ll keep writing, I find myself with tears in my eyes at the idea of closing this space that is full of some of the biggest moments in my life.  Starting with my custoday battle, losing my daughter, trying to conceive, marrying Cristy, adopting Glory and finding a whole new (additional) family…it has been a roller coaster – a beautiful disaster. 

I’ve been terrible at writing lately and I think it’s because there is just SO much to say.  There have been so many “catagories” and sometimes I feel like it’s all been so depressing.  I hope you know how much I appreciate you allowing me to be so honest here.  With hardly any judgement, your comments & emails have been truly helpful through some crazy times. 

The Back Forty will be a new beginning.  The first 40 years of my life have been reflected through and through here.  Time will tell with the back forty but I have big hopes – feeling like the biggest messes have already come & gone.  And if I’m lucky enough to get more than forty more years, we’ll negociate from there.

I’ll leave the link up for a week or so.  Please change your blogrolls, as I’ll close this completely.

Much, much love from our family to yours.

Posted in Believe It | 3 Comments

An Old Friend

Yesterday was a big day for us.  One of my closest friends was in town for a visit and Glory & I were able to spend the day soaking him up.  He is my former boss, my mentor and someone I never thought would really live that far away from us.  I wrote about him HERE and then I posted this horrific video HERE of us begging him to stay.  You remember now, right?

Now about that video… let’s not forget I was at the end of an IVF cycle.  My face had exploded – my boobs also.  I look at it and, aside from the tears that welled up, I can’t believe how different I look & feel.  Crazy what time can do.

Anyway, our day was fantastic!  He & Glory got right to business and caught up on all the gossip.  He taught her “noses” which meant that every time he said it, they’d rub their noses together.  I caught the photo to prove it’s cuteness.

Glory & Guncle Mike











He’s amazing and I hope he’s part of her life for the rest of his.  When Cristy and I were waiting for her, I imagined him here every other day or so.  He lived right up the street and I thought he’d be one of the people in her every day life.  It makes me sad to have him live so far away but it certainly didn’t take long for her to remember who he is.

Love you, Guncle Mike


Posted in Family, Glory | 1 Comment

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Once a week aint bad.

I’m a terrible blogger.  You’d think I’d have all the time in the world, not working.  But really, I’m far busier now that I don’t have any excuses for laundry stacking up, dirty dishes, etc.  Plus, we’ve been squeezing in every last minute of summer we can find.

Finally, after 7 months, we spent a weekend at the cabin.  Remember how I used to go there as often as possible and just exhale?  Yeah, that was before my dad disowned me and now I have to “schedule” time there.  – so he can plan to stay home.  Nice.  Anyway, we went and it was wonderful!  – just like old times.  Here are some highlights…

Tossing it "high" in the air with grandma!










View from the deck...again.










Bed Bugs!










She's a 2yo trapped in a 4yo body.












Feeding the Mommy & Daddy












I never get sick of sunsets.










Life is good.  Everyone is happy & healthy and today marks the end of DADT.  – definitely something to celebrate!


Posted in Family | 4 Comments

Pioneer – I’m that old!

Last week I spent a few days in LA with some of the most amazing people.  Hundreds of law students, dozens of practicing attorney’s and a couple handfuls of parents who have fought for their children.  We were honored by the Family Law Institute, which is a joint project of the National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR) and the National LGBT Bar Association.  They picked 10 parents and called us Pioneers Parents in the fight for equal rights for ourselves and our children.  In telling you this, I’m tooting my own horn.  But mostly I’m telling you to brag about the other mother’s & father’s that put their families out there to be shaken by the crazy laws/people that “govern” us.

I got the call about my nomination earlier this year and it took me until about 2 weeks ago to accept.  It felt funny to be celebrated over something that hurt so much.  I knew, out of all the others, I was the only case that lost.  But I found out there were parents there that won their cases but still lost their children.  They changed the laws to help everyone that followed them, but still lost their own children.  Unbelievable.

Anyway, a week before the ceremony, Cristy and I decided I should go.  Sadly, we also decided I would go alone.  After taking 4 weeks in July, she doesn’t have any vacay and we didn’t want to leave Glory 2 nights behind without us.  I haven’t traveled alone since I used to visit Gracie in San Antonio every other week – many, many years ago – so that just added to my stress about going.

But I did.  I got on the plane, held my own hand and had the talk with myself about flying.  “it’s going to be fine.  the plane will enter the sky and it will also safely land.”  I hate flying.  I hate flying alone even worse.  Anyway, I got there and the shuttle took me to the most amazing hotel in Hollywood.  Hotel Renaissance.  I had the most lovely room with an amazing view of the city.  It was cozy and full of Aveda products.  I knew, then, I would be okay.

Many of us already knew (of) each other.  Those of us who have cases as old as mine (I’m that kind of pioneer too) even used each other as precedent.  It was fun/painful putting faces to things like IK vs MD, for example.  Three cases came out of the CA Supreme Court the month ours was heard by the UT Supremes.  I got to meet all those women.  One was a non-bio mom whose partner had taken her child after they broke up.  One was a bio mother whose partner left her after she gave birth to twins.  And one was a mother whose partner took their child after she was the egg donor for her partner.  All of them won.  All of those amazing women fought and won and now have their children/child support/etc.  Meeting them, after feeling so close to them, felt fantastic!  There were also two fathers who had to fight for their children after divorcing their ex-wives.  It made me realize how far we haven’t come – that a biological father can still lose their children just because of stereotypes.  Another woman changed the laws in her State (OR) so now if you participate in AI with your partner – having intent to parent – you are automatically a legal parent.  Just like that she saved so many people from fighting this fight in her State.  Brilliant and Brave.

We had a “round table” with the attorney’s to talk about our cases – things we’ve been through and new ideas.  Most parents had been through bankruptcy.  One mother suffered two heart attacks.  Many had received death threats and hate mail – on top of what you go through in court.  Story after story of parents loving their children enough to move heaven & earth to have them home again.

We all participated in a lovely luncheon and were presented awards by people we admire more than all the earth.  Some of my biggest hero’s were there to cheer us on and it just filled me all the way full to be surrounded by such strength.

My love to all of you who are fighting the fight – yours or someone you love.  Here is a link the new Standards for LGBT Families introduced at the conference.  – hopefully followed by LGBT parents, family law attorney’s, OBGYN’s, etc.  If you have any need for hard copies, let me know.  I’ll gladly make sure you get them.

Me and my fancy certificate

A group shot with all the families & attys!

The West Coast'ish Moms

One of my most favorite men in all the earth!

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